By Maya Kosoff
Front-of-book editor

When ‘Family Guy’ creator Seth MacFarlane hosted the Academy Awards, his jokes about women fell flat and then some.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3aqowCIr_Vs

It’s fucking Friday, and I’m still fucking pissed about Seth MacFarlane.

If there’s a televised awards show I actually respect and don’t scoff at, it’s the Academy Awards. It’s classy, it sometimes features movies I like winning awards, and most importantly, it’s deeply rooted in the timeless traditions of music, film, and culture.

But at this year’s 85th Annual Academy Awards, host Seth MacFarlane (you may recognize him as the creator of the anti-intellectual Family Guy, a bastardized version of the Simpsons) removed his shit-stained boxer-briefs, squatted down, and took a giant, steaming (metaphorical) dump all over the entire audience. And in the process, he completely ruined the beautiful annual spectacle that is the Oscars.

I’m sure you already know what he said that night. I’m sure you’ve already formed an opinion about it. I’m absolutely sure that if you haven’t already done either of the above, you’re currently doing a Google search for “What Happened With Seth MacFarlane At The Academy Awards 2013.”

But I’ll break it down for you real quick anyway, just so we’re all on the same page: Seth sang a song called “We Saw Your Boobs” (for a guy who creates and develops TV shows, not really his most uniquely named work) in which he reduced a series of actresses down to their mammary glands, including Jodie Foster’s character in The Accused (spoiler alert: Foster’s character gets gang-raped) and Scarlet Johansson’s brush with a totally irrelevant, non-fictional form of sexual attack: her leaked naked pictures. Anything for a few laughs though, right, Seth?

He then went on to make a joke about nine-year-old Beasts of the Southern Wild star Quvenzhané Wallis, stating that “to give you an idea of how young she is, it’ll be 16 years before she’s too young for Clooney,” and later adding that there would be an orgy later at Jack Nicholson’s place. No problem, except for the disturbingly obvious historic message there. Remember when Roman Polanski once, you know, drugged and raped an underage girl at Nicholson’s old house? I’m sure his victim does.

But the night went on, and the Oscars kicked ass musically. Adele belted it out. Blockbuster-famous actresses like Catherine Zeta-Jones, Anne Hathaway, and Jennifer Hudson stole the show with their respective musical numbers from Chicago, Les Mis, and Dreamgirls. Barbra Streisand and Norah Jones, both big-name, big-talent divas, got their own performances. The ladies of the Oscars killed it.

But nobody’s commentary about that night, my own included, will be remembered for reflecting how incredible these performances were. Because Seth’s continuously unfunny humor really was that goddamn appalling. It detracted from the real talent onstage Sunday night.

Here are a couple fun facts about the Academy Awards: 77% of Academy Awards voters are men. The recipients of the Academy Awards this year included 30 men and a whopping 9 women.

With few exceptions, Seth’s jokes on Sunday night seem to only reflect and enforce these numbers. At best, he was tasteless. At worst, he has tainted an American media staple, a celebration of the arts and culture. I’d like to thank the Academy, but it seems their ceremony this year has left me thankless and thirsty for the musical and artistic talent that the nominees and attendees of the Academy Awards so rightly deserve.

  • http://twitter.com/sheisarebel Dee Lockett

    Give Maya all the awards!